crashed or something, cant remember even getting pn my bike, much less ending up at my friend mark's place...

My head hurts.

Just got back from Rehoboth, had a great time with John, as usual. Hopefully, if work goes well the next two weeks, I might spend another week in Rehoboth.

Even if fall is on it's way, I still feel there's nothing like spending a day in the sand with John, and swimming in the ocean, watching dolphins and relaxin' with some alcoholololol. lol. :]

Ugh, wonderfuckingful week, but now's the weekend, means I go back to work.

Time to shower, get pretty, strap on my leather, and go play Bouncer all night.

One of these days I might get a normal job, or at least work this one enough that I can buy a new computer and finish up all my backed art, then actual make some money from art for ME, instead of most of it going to the family like it did in Memphis.

*rolls hard*

Workworkwork, I need to blast some club music and go get all naked and wet now, I'll ttyl furries<3.

Now that Lith isn't able to make it to MFM, I'm not so sure myself. She was kinda the push to put out the money I need for rent. lol. I'll still be in Memphis, visitin' the family and shit, but I can't afford to put out more money on a room; I'm only just getting settled in DC, after all.

Was really looking forward to having another party room, like I did at AC, but I just can't put out the money. It's a lil depressing, lmao. I'll still be there on like friday/saturday, maybe stop in on Sunday, to say hello to everyone.

And I may actually drag my mother in, she's been talking about wanting to see these furry conventions I go to. rofl. maybe I can get her into a party and DRUNK. Haha, she's such a lolzy drunk.

I love how like. Me and my mom are more friends than family. When I'm on the phone with her, conversation usually leads to me telling her she just needs to chill and like get laid or something.

OH. :D

I has sunburn. :F

Took Tuesday off last week, since miraculously, it was the only day I was scheduled to work that week. Went to Rehoboth Beach, DE. Swam in the ocean like EVERYDAY. lazy rolling in the sand on the beach. There were fuckin' DOLPHINS. <3.

Also, crabs pinch. ;C

I was apparently the only person that the crabs wanted to pinch ON THE WHOLE FUCKING BEACH.

UGH.

But it was still fun. I'm surprised that there's a beach like that only 2 hours from DC.

I think I'll go more often.

I was staying with my boy John, manages a Pier 1 there in Rehoboth. He's socute. lol.

Anyway, I'll still be there to hang out, and I'll see if I can stay for the dance on saturday night, at MFM. Sadly, just can't afford a room to crash in.

Anyway, gotta go pack. My flight out to Memphis is tomorrow morning. And since I work tonight, like most nights, I'll get off like 3 hours before my flight leaves. lmao. Looks like someone's gonna fall asleep on the plane<3.

Hey guys! Its Lithium here :3 pinkphox. And Alot of you are really worried about his whereabouts.

Leon's currently STILL in DC working at a club, making money and such and is doing alright. He's alive and I dont know how he does it but he's managed to find a bunch of people to help him with a place to sleep until he finds his own. When I talked to him on the phone the other day he sounded unusually calm and serious. Mature, if you will. Leon himself has even admitted to doing alot of growing up in the last week or so.

Regardless, now that hes a little less scatterbrained from the entire ORDEAL, he's started contacting me and junk to let all of y'all know whats going on.

Leon is looking for a room spot for MFM. So keep him in your thoughts and comment here somewhere or something....about...that. Annddd yes. I think that was everything....

He'll get online or on the phone when he gets the chance.

There, maybe now less people will be worriedcrazy like I WAS. :D

Later! <3

I don't even understand.

How can you be so romantic, so loving, so sweet, and then just be nothing but hateful.

Was he honestly hateful the entire time? Just lying? Using me to fill the gap that his past relationships left?

I'm torn up from this all, not the physical labour, not the stress of being on the streets and not knowing where I'll stay next. Not having to turn tricks so I'd have somewhere to shower and get ready for work the next day.

It's the fact that he used me...

I was nothing but love towards him.

When someone kisses you like that, speaks to you so sweetly, won't even call the sex you share "sex", but an expression of his love.

It's hard not to fall completely in love.

He made me fall for him so hard.

I didn't ever even imagine that it could end like this.

I didn't know that someone could lie so much. About something like love.

Something that means so much to me, how can it not mean anything to someone else?

I can't say I regret it, I can't say I'm not thankful. He got me out of Memphis, and he helped me get my life started.

Even if he did put me through a hard situation afterwards.

I was so closed to getting him banned from every bar, club, and restaurant in the DC area, but I couldn't... Because I just can't stop loving him. No matter what has happened, he worked whatever voodoo so well, that I can't break the spell.

I love HB, I really do.

Even if he denies the truths of how he used to talk to me, how special he made me feel, I'll always know how he was behind closed doors.

I'll always love him.

I'm not sure what to say. I'm beyond crying or upset now, I'm just... lost?

He finally came home today, just stared at me while I moped around exhausted, putting my things away and trying to prepare myself for another night. I didn't have anywhere to go last night, so I ended up on Andrey's, a waiter I work with, couch for a few hours today.

So I try to talk to him and sort things out, why he's been acting so differently...

Apparently... Everything that meant so much to me, all the "I love you"s, all the kisses, the sex, it all meant nothing to him, I was barely a friend. And the fact that I talked openly about loving him so much made him feel like shit, for some reason... and instead of asking me to stop, he's... giving me 24 hours to leave.

I have like ten fucking dollars in my wallet.

He said he'd buy me a ticket back to Memphis, but he doesnt understand that I'd be worse off there than anywhere. I can't go back to Memphis, I just can't. I'd sooner die than sign my life away again, spending all my days in that fucking rotting house, raising that whore's children, so I'd have an old mattress in the corner of a fucking floor to sleep on.

I just can't.

So I asked him, if he'd buy the ticket, why not just give me the fucking money so I'd be able to feed myself from now until I get my paycheck in a week.

He said no...

I am trying to figure out what to do.

I'm going back to Freddie's tonight, to talk to some of my friends there, maybe I can crash on a couch every other night, until I have the $600 for rent.

It's not that hard to make, I've made $250 just this weekend, I just need a little time. And he won't give me even another day to find a place to stay.

I can't handle this. I'm trying to sort out what I'm going to do, but all my mind goes back to is seeing him wear my promise ring around his neck, telling me he loved me, and kissing me like I've never been kissed.

How can someone think that means nothing? How can you just pretend to love someone back? I love him so much, and now he says all that meant nothing. It wasnt the same for him, apparently.

Does he just not understand what it's like to be so torn up your entire life, have someone pull you out of it all, give you all the love you'd ever want, then tell you it was a lie? Can he not imagine how badly I'm hurt?

I'm sorry, I shouldn't even be writing about this, much less thinking about it.

I have to go, like... Now. And try to find somewhere to sleep and leave my things.

This will pro'ly be the last you hear from me for a while...

I'll be fine, I just have to figure things out. Even if it means sleeping on the sidewalk for a few nights. It's not like I haven't done it before.

Work has been interesting. Lots of good people, it's a nice place.

Still trying to pinch pennies until I get my first paycheck.

A li'l rough, but it's getting better, I guess. I've been getting to know my other roommates pretty well. Rob and Charley took me to the Museum of Air and Space, it was fun, after that, they took me to the Pentagon City Mall, I got to go through all these awesome stores, and drool over like $50 - $300 clothes that I can only DREAM about having. Omg, it was fun.

Rob's been up a few nights, so I've been able to call him and have him let me into the building. But he's got work in the morning, so I may have to crash with one of my friends from work, if they don't have other plans.

Just gonna pack a shirt and shit in a bag, so I will have someting if I can't get back in tonight.

Having a job has helped a lot with the loneliness, I think. Finally meeting people, having people to spend time with, actual friends in the area. It's really nice. If I can hold out about a month more, I think I'll have enough money for a place of my own.

Hopefully I'll still have until August 10th or so to save up, cause I can only work the door on weekends, and I'll start training as a waiter for weekdays either this week or the next.

Didn't get much sleep last night, cause I stayed out too long to get back into the Buchanan. I'm gonna go take a nap for about an hour, then go to work again.

Drag show at Freddie's tonight, it'll be crazy.

What makes someone change?

Did I just not see this coming? I guess it should have been obvious with the way things have been going. Just like every other time I tried to get out on my own, and actually have some sort of life, something happens to crush it.

I don't know what happened. I'm heartbroken. He's changed. It was love, turned to hate, then nothing, he doesn't want me around anymore. He gets angry when I tell him he's all I have. He denies it when I tell him how much I love him. When he once said he loved me more, and told me I was the best thing to happen to him.

I couldn't get back into the building last night after work, luckily I made a few friends at work, and I had a place to crash for a few hours before makin' my way back into the building, and sitting in front of the door until one of my roommates woke up to let me in.

I've paid him back for everything, all he's changed for me is being around every now and then to let me back into the building.

Why am I a leach now? I just don't understand...

I guess I'll just go to sleep for a while, and then get ready for work. Then try this whole thing over again...



But... Why would you tell someone you love them so much, knowing they have nothing to live for where they are, bring them to another city, a wonderful city. Pay for them until they can pay it all back, then push them away? I just don't understand what happened. I'm being accused of things that never happened, I'm so torn up, all I can do is cry.

Does he even know what he's doing?

I told him I'd get off between 1 and 3 depending on how busy we are, and I call him at like 230 and he tells me he's already half way back to Virginia Beach for the weekend. With the keys.

I don't even care if he hates me for writing about him. He's been getting mad at me for talking about my situation to people this whole time, like I've been making him out to be the bad guy. I've only been saying good things, though, about how great he was to me, how much he helped.

He introduced me to a guy he's been seeing, Anthony, we talked for a while, because I was told to. Since Anthony and I came from similiar situations, it's good encouragement, I guess. And I was accused of trying to sleep with Anthony, apparently since he wasn't around to hear Anthony and I talking, it must have been about sex.

He's calling me a leach and telling me that's all I want from anyone. I'm just so hurt, I love him so much, I don't know what to do... After this weekend, I don't even know where I'll be living.

I have to find something in the area, though, I finally have a job to pay rent, and all this happens.

So like.

Tuesday, I went for a walk, ended up passing this really cute gay guy. Kinda short, blonde hair, blue eyes, gay ass diamond earings. and Guess brand perscription glasses. Lol. So I talked to him, he was sweet, his name is James, told me about Freddie's hiring. So I went and applied, sure enough, I got the job, on my way back tuesday night, I ran into him in the Buchanan lobby, thanked him, got his number and shit, and said goodnight.

Wednesday, I went to the store, bought some clothes, mostly for work, but I did buy a really cute pair of shorts and a shirt with a lion painted on it. It's so cute... ANYWAY, that evening, I got ready for my "interview", got there right on time, filled out tax shit, then started work. I was honestly expecting to start work, but I didn't think i'd just be thrown out there to start that night, lol. It was so much fun, I got hit on so much. It was waiter training, so I was working for $5 and hour, and had a free meal, it was so nommy. And of the night, I was rollin' around with some friends I met there, ended up heading back to the Buhcanan with James. We went to his place for a glass of wine, since HB was still out. We talked for a long time, about his career, mostly. I spent a while looking through the magizines he did shoots for. Omg, I want his job. He cuts celebrity hair, tells them what to wear, and travels all over the place. And once again, he's just another person I can add to the list of people who've said I look like Johnny Depp. Of course. This might be a little better, since he's actually cut Johnny Depp's hair, LOL. So I let him cut my hair. omg, it look so good... even if it's a lil more gay than I'm used to. Tossed my long hair to Locks of Love, and I apparently look really good with short hair. Took a shower and just crashed at his place, since I was sure HB had already passed out. rofl.

Today? I've got work again tonight, then friday, saturday, and sunday. Working the door for $10 an hour. Then Monday, I think, I'm headed to Town with James. $20 cover? Not with James. ID check at the bar? Not with James. the dance floor will be all mine, lol, and I won't have to drink with all the other guys, I've got access to the DJ booth and the good shit booze. omg I can't wait.

In the mean time, I've got free dinner at Freddie's during my break, and all of $15 in my wallet to sit on until my next pay check.

It's going well, I guess. I'm going to have Beeejaay over soon, to draw with her and use her scanner, and so she can show me how to work Photoshop Elements. It's not the CS2 I'm used to. D:

Well, I guess I'll take a nap and then just roll around til work tonight.

ttyl, u guise<3.

AC was fun, I guess.

I ran around way too much, had too much shit to do, too many people to meet.

A lot of shit went wrong, too. But it ended well, I suppose.

I survived, didn't I?

I regret not havin' time to go to lunch with Seely and Midori, and not being able to go see Wall-e with the AAC crew.

But at least I had time to get wasted instead of sleeping. Lol.

Still trying to get settled here in DC, it could be better. I should be starting at Freddie's down the road soon. It's a really cute gay bar/restaurant. And flirting is one thing I'm good at, so I'm hoping to make lots of tips once I become a waiter. I'm starting as a doorman at $10.50 and hour.

I have to try and get some sleep tonight, tomorrow night I have an interview. The manager was talking like I'm already hired, though, so I'm really excited.

I have to get up and go buy some work clothes tomorrow some time. They want me to wear more black. rofl. Honestly, I think I only got the job because I look good in leather.

On another note, I met this really cute guy at AC, I'm hoping to catch up with soon. His name's Brian, or "Razor", but I just called my bear. Whenever I saw him I'd shout "OMG It's my BURR". I wanted to like hump his face when I was talking to him about school. I was like ohmai when he said he was finishing his masters as a bio medical engineer.

Hot + Smart = Deadly.

Also, I met a cute gay guy on my walk today, his name's James, he works for some fashion magizine, he does the makeup/clothing and shit for the shoots. Travels a lot. He's going to introduce me to some people, and take me to a few big parties/social events here in DC. I can't wait.

I got Photoshop installed today, too, now I just need to get a scanner and I can finish all my commissions and start work for myself again. Yaey.

Moving to DC, and earlier than expected. I was planning on heading down to DC from Pittsburgh, after AnthroCon, but I need to go early to sort out some stuff before then.

And as a lot of you may know from my constant bitching, my computer here in Memphis is FUCKED. I managed to finish a lot of badges, but not all of them. If you'd like to wait 'til I'm settled in DC, and can get a scanner/programs i need, then I'll finish your badges, but if you'd like something at Anthrocon this year, I'll do some traditional work to compensate the money you've paid.


Incomplete badges:
Khyle
Coonwulf
Julie Panda
ArtySkox
Bailey
Daymien
Mapdark
Bucker
Woody
Ebdain


Thank you for your help, I apologize again for the trouble.

And since I'm leaving tomorrow, I'm trying to finalize the room plans, but people keep backing out.

The Westin is fine, it's Lithium, Me, HB, Cyan, Slash, and Alabaster. But the Courtyard is still in question, people keep backing out. If these last two stay, then it'll be fine, I've got Blackie, Snowfox, DasTiger, Drew, Thumps, and Sunder. This time I hope no one drops out, I'm gonna be pretty busy from now 'til AC.

Now, I'll get back to compressing files to save to disks and take with me, and packing up all my shit.

See you at AC, friends.


~Leon Dusk

I might just have enough for AC. An optimistic guess, really, but every trip of been on was funded by optimism, lmao. I'll get there somehow, I'm sure.

The room situation on the Courtyard hotel, though, it beginning to get a bit stressful, I honestly regret posting that I had roomspace in so many different places. I should have anticipated this, not two hours after posting it, I didnt just get enough to fill the slots, I got more begging for the roomspace. I'm trying to be fair, I'm trying to find places for them all, even if it's not in my room.

Bleh, I need more coffee, and someone with three free spots for these girls. Their first time at AC and having a hard time finding a room. :0 I feel bad, I wish I had room for 'em.

Now I need to get back to these commissions. I'm still $150 short of the money i need for AC.

Ugh. Pain. Bleeding. Hurt.

I cut my hand. Its bleeding. Hurts like a muhfkr. >:[ I do NOT need this when i have 2 weeks to finish a load of commissions. This suuuuuuucks.

I am a bit short on money, and I need a bit more to pay for plane ticket and roomshare for AC... And maybe money so i can buy food. D: lol.

I'm finally out of the uhm... six month art funk? And I'm finishin' up all my commissions. :D

I want to do these badges now, so I can get some money for AC, so I'm taking badge commissions. $10 a badge. :]

I've done four in just a day and a half, so I don't think it'll be too much work if I put myself to it. o:

30 slots between now and AC! :D

A few dropped out last minute, so I'm looking to fill the gaps in my overflow room.

I've got three spots available. they'll be 4 to 6 people. The room is in the Courtyard Hotel right across the street from the convention center.

It'd be $114 a person divided four ways, and $76 six ways. So I guess for y'all itd be the more the merrier.

Just in case you're curious,
In the room already are:
DasTiger, Navy stationed in Germany.
Snowfox, nice guy from Missouri, will have a partial suit.
And
Blackie, a local friend of mine from here in Memphis, really fun guy, may have a suit.

All are nice guys, neat, clean, and not smelly. :P

IM me on Y*IM at Attakynn
or Email me at Galadrex@Hotmail.com if you're interested. :)

I've never gone from so happy to so fucking screwed in just a few hours.

The plane may as well have crashed, I feel so fucking terrible, things couldnt be worse at home now. And while all this shit is going wrong, my fucking bitch mother still wont shut up about her boyfriends, drama at bars, and wanting to go clubbing. Seriously. While babies are crying and kids are breaking shit, and I'm trying to keep things straightened up, she's fucking following me around, talking about this pointless bullshit.

I can't get a moments rest, angry, upset. I can't do anything but clean and cry. I've so much work to catch up on. My siblings completely trashed anything I didnt pack and take with me. All my sketchbooks, even our fucking computer, its all trashed. What the fuck.

I have to go clear out my room so ill have somewhere to at least fuckin' crash sometime before noon. Ugh. Sorry for the bitch rant, I just had to get it out of my system though.

I need another beer and to not pass out before I get my bed ready to sleep on at least.

G'night.